I Knew You Before You Knew You
بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم
After announcing my pregnancies, I have had the pleasure of hearing congratulations from friends and family in many different languages: felicitaciones –spanish; gong xi – chinese; félicitations –french; Glückwünsche –german; congratulazioni-italian; Gelukwens –dutch; parabéns –portuguese; поздравления –russian; congratulations –norwegian; omedetou –japanese; mubarak ho – urdu; badhai ho –hindi. Although I appreciate all of the well wishes, the one I love the most is,
“لقد قمت المباركة في ما كنت أعطيت مايو تشكرون إلى واحد من منحها. أيار / مايو طفلك تصل إلى مرحلة النضج وحق التوجيه ، والله قد جعل له / لها نعمة بالنسبة لك”
“You have been blessed in what you have been given. May you give thanks to the One who granted it. May your child reach maturity and right-guidance, and may Allah subhanahu wa ta a’ala make him/her a blessing for you.”
I have given birth to six children. My first child was born prematurely and within fifteen minutes I was informed that he would die within one hour. I didn’t cry and it wasn’t because I was a strong Muslimah. It was because I was in shock. With my second birth, I began having contractions in my sixth month. I was put on a regiment of medication and kept under the close eye of a team of doctors. I had a team of doctors because after my first child, I was labeled as “high risk”. During my third and fourth pregnancies my Obstetrician told me I wasn’t allowed to eat my favorite food (macaroni and cheese.) I had Gestational Diabetes with them. The fifth child was born premature as well and now had Cerebral Palsy. As I was tested I stood strong. I thought I was unbreakable. Well Allah subhanahu wa ta a’ala had news for me! I was/am indeed breakable! My sixth child was not only premature she was sick with an infection and died. I gave birth to a still born baby girl. Shortly after she died my body began to go into labor. I was left with pushing knowing that I would give birth to a baby that was not alive. I had to remind myself that all life and death happen according to the Will of Allah subhanahu wa ta a’ala.
To Allah belongs the kingdom of the heavens and the earth. He creates what He wills. He bestows female (offspring) upon whom He wills. And bestows make (offspring) upon whom He wills. Or He bestows both makes and females, and He renders barren whom He wills. Verily, He is All-Knower and is Able to do all things.
Lillaahi mulkus-samaawaati wal’ard; yakhluqu maa yashaaa’; yahabu liman yashaaa’u ‘inaasan was yababu liman yashaaa’uz-zukoor.
‘Aw yuzawwijuhum zukraanan wa’inaasan wa yaj’alu many-yashaaa’u ‘aqeemaa; ‘innahoo ‘Aleemun Qadeer. Qur’an Surah (42:49).
One of my main concerns after birth was prayer. Do not rush prayer if you are still bleeding and do not feel bad as Allah makes things easy for us.
Post-natal bleeding and menstrual bleeding are also considered forms of major impurity. Both postnatal bleeding and menstrual bleeding waives the prayer from a woman. In those cases, after such conditions come to an end, women are required to make Ghusl before praying.
The Prophet sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam ( may Allaah exalt his mention ) also said: “Allaah does not accept any prayer that was not performed while in a state of purity, nor does he accept charity from what has been stolen from booty.” [Al-Bukhaari & Muslim]
“Allah intends for you ease, and does not want to make things difficult for you” (Quran Surah 2:185)
“Allah does not want to place you in difficulty” (Quran Surah 5:6)
It is extremely important to see a doctor when deciding to have a child. If your pregnancy isn’t plan then you should see a doctor or healthcare provider inshaAllah, as soon as you think there is a possibility of being pregnant. A doctor will be able to tell you what you may be prone to or any deficiencies you may have. This will allow for proper treatment during pregnancy as well as post pregnancy. Your doctor will be able to prescribe vitamins and procedures that may be needed (i.e. sonograms, blood tests, special diets) Always be sure to make all appointments and reschedule any that are missed. InshaAllah early detection can make just about any situation better. Be sure to give your doctor any details concerning family medical history. I have diabetic family members, on both sides, but never had high glucose levels until pregnant. If you have moved or simply switched doctors be sure to let them know of any previous pregnancies. You may be asked the same questions when going for different appointments so it may seem redundant. Just be patient and answer because maybe their records are incorrect. This would be the perfect opportunity to correct any information on file. Also, be sure to read over everything and ask question when unsure of anything. Remember you can’t be a pest when it comes to the health of you and your new baby. Always feel free to research or seek a second opinion.
It is always recommended that you not smoke or drink alcohol while pregnant. Both have been known to increase the risk of prematurity, low birth weight, still born births or fetal alcohol syndrome. Also, try to avoid being around other that smoke. Second hand smoking is a no-no for the baby as well. If the problems mentioned aren’t a good enough reason to avoid smoking and drinking, just keep in mind that Islam forbids the consumption of alcohol and doesn’t really care for smoking. Sorry, I didn’t make the rules. I’m just here to help point them out. If you don’t go without because of stress then go without because it is a waste of you time and money.
And spend in the Cause of Allah (i.e. Jihad of all kinds) and do not throw yourselves into destruction (by not spending your wealth in the Cause of Allah), and do good. Truly, Allah loves Al-Muhsinun (the good-doers).
Wa’ anfiqoo fee sabeelil-laahi wa laa tulqoo be’aydeekum ‘ilat-tahlukati wa ‘ahsinooo; ‘innal-laaha yuhibbul-muhsineen. (Quran Surah 2:195)
To strive for a child in the face of infertility is not considered a rebellion against God’s will. The Qur’an tells us of the prayers of Abraham and Zachariah, who pleaded with God to grant them offspring. Nowadays, many couples seek fertility treatment if they are unable to conceive or bear children.
Scholars agree that there is nothing in Islamic law which forbids many types of fertility treatment, as long as the treatments do not go outside the bounds of the marriage relationship. If chosen, in vitro fertilization must be done with sperm and egg from a husband and wife, and the embryos transplanted into the wife’s uterus. Assisted reproductive technologies which blur marital and parental ties are forbidden: such as donor eggs or sperm from outside the marriage relationship, surrogate motherhood, and in-vitro fertilization after a spouse’s death or divorce of the married couple.
“And Allaah has made for you Azwaaj (mates or wives) of your own kind, and has made for you, from your wives, sons and grandsons, and has bestowed on you good provision. Do they then believe in false deities and deny the Favour of Allaah (by not worshipping Allaah Alone)”
Wallaahu ja’ala lakum min ‘ anfusikum ‘azwaajan wa ja’ala luakum min ‘azqaajkium baneena wa hafadatan wa razaqakum minat-tayyibaat; ‘afabilbaatili yu’minoona wa bini’matil-laahi hum yakfuroon. (Quran Surah 16:72)
“Your wives are a tilth for you, so go to your tilth, when or how you will, and send (good deeds, or ask Allaah to bestow upon you pious offspring) for your ownselves beforehand. And fear Allaah, and know that you are to meet Him (in the Hereafter), and give good tidings to the believers (O Muhammad صلى الله عليه وسلم)”
Nisaaa’ukum harsullakum fa’too harsakum ‘annaa shi’tum wa qaddimoo li’anfusikum; wattaqul-laaha wa’lamooo ‘annakum mulaaqooh; wa bashshiril-mu’mineen. (Quran Surah 2:223)
While it is best for most to exercise during pregnancy, consult your doctor first. There has shown to be many benefits from exercising during pregnancy. Women have said to have had a decrease in problems with constipation, less wear and tear on joints and were more rested. Rest during pregnancy will help as a stress reliever. Less stress is better for mom, baby and even dad.
During this time dads may feel a little left out. Be sure to incorporate dad—with chores, other children or for pillow fluffing. While there is some truth to me trying my hand at a joke, do include dad. Fathers are very important during pregnancy. When you may be nervous or not feeling well dad can help with emotional support, appointments, errands and anything else needed. Also, fathers may want to write down any questions or concerns you both may have. Often times while at the doctors you miss something that has been said. This is where dad may have caught what was missed. Always include dad on any out of the womb bonding. Have dad attend any appointments for sonograms or check-ups where you will be able to listen to the baby’s heartbeat. Remember that this will be a life changing experience for him too. It doesn’t matter if it’s your first or fifth pregnancy because each one will be a new experience.
High Risk Pregnancy- generally thought of as one in which the mother or the developing fetus has a condition that places one or both of them at a higher-than-normal-risk for complications, either during the pregnancy (antepartum), during delivery (intrapartum), or following the birth (postpartum)
Premature- Babies born preterm
Gestational Diabetes- high blood sugar (diabetes) that starts or is first diagnosed during pregnancy.
Sonogram- Ultrasound Scan
Cerebral Palsy- condition sometimes thought of as a group of disorders that can involve brain and nervous system functions such as movement, learning, hearing, seeing, and thinking.
Stillborn- dead when born
After the birth and the baby is cleaned and dressed, a male adult usually the father or a grandfather recites adhan (call for prayer) in the right ear and iqamah (announcement for starting the prayer) in the left ear. Hence, the first sound that reaches the ears of the newborn is the call to Allah and the testimony that Allah is Great.
No, I didn’t attend medical school but after six births I’m dang near an expert at Pregnancy and Birth. (or maybe it just makes me feel good to think this)
“Inna lillahi wa inna ilaihi raje oon .Allahummajalni farajawn wa makhrajan war zuqni khaira min haiso ahtasibo wa min haiso la ahtasib, be haqqe Mohammadin wa ale mohammad”
..Let my affairs be free from care & make them profitable & give me means of livelihood from my share & from where I have no expectation…